Quarantine Beauty & Blues

9/4/2020 2:20PM PST

So many emotions are flowing through my body. Overall I'm happy. Yesterday I woke up proud of myself, confident, and smiling all day. The issue now is simple, I'm lonely. Quarantine has sent me through an array of feelings, and experiences, for which I'm mostly grateful. My wellness journey began in quarantine. Lot's of self discoveries happened, and continue to. Learning to embrace the little things in life are so missed during this time. Many beautiful things have come from quarantine for me.

With that said, it's anything but pretty. This process is ugly at times, it's stressful. Financially for myself, and countless others, hardships have occurred. Great losses have been endured by many. But finding the beauty, and the light in every situation is something I work on every day. Taking the bad with the good is so important. There wouldn't be great beauty, or happiness in life if not for hard times.

Traveling, movie theaters, sports, theme parks, ice cream shops, museums, are all among experiences I miss the most. They won't be taken for granted again. Being in a prolonged state of isolation is wearing on me each day. My birthday reminded me of all these places with great memories had with loved ones. This was the downside to my 32nd year. However, it helps me stay motivated thinking on next year! I will be in the best shape of my life this time next year, and be living life to the fullest! Nothing will be holding me back.

Patience, motivation, and willpower are the three most difficult things I struggle with. Being aware of them as weaknesses helps me make better decisions. Yesterday I felt as though my mind body and soul could conquer the world. Today I'm not at my best, feeling a little diminished. But I got my ass up this morning, fought with myself until getting that workout in. Strength and fueling that negative energy into a positive is key for me.

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy with myself or my day yesterday. That's the opposite of my feelings. At times sharing dark feelings sets them free. This afternoon my productivity will increase, and I'll get some strength training in. Don't stop until your proud. Every single day I repeat that to myself. It's imperative that I go to bed proud of my accomplishments each day. If the feeling isn't there, I'm continuing until I make it happen!

I'm feeling great after getting this off my chest, and am ready to get stuff done! Let me get into this emotional eating journal, and change some habits!

Emotional Eating Journal Day 13

When I look in the mirror I feel...

Maaan here we go again with the self image. Girl I better feel like Amy Schumer in "I feel Pretty" on the 30th day! Alright, in all honesty my image is changing for the better. It's funny because I've been laughing at myself checking myself out in the mirror. The reason being because my avoidance of looking in the mirror was a powerful force for the past few years. I couldn't stand to look at my face due to those double chins! Now I'm over here like hey look at that! My body is looking like a real woman's body! (Don't judge my inner thoughts, I'm aware I've been a real woman for years.) In all seriousness, my thoughts are to encourage looking in the mirror, loving and appreciating my body! I've earned that long gaze. It gets better from here on.

So when I look in the mirror I feel happy and hopeful. No longer are my thoughts negative on my body. I feel beautiful, strong, and amazing. Confirmation of that doesn't need to come from anyone. My opinion is the one that matters, no other.

When I look in the mirror, I feel like a new person. I feel like my limits are changing for the better. Feeling hopeful that my day is coming when walking places like Disneyland are a possibility. My back giving out will no longer be an issue. After 100 pounds sheds from my body, I will be limitless! That makes me feel like the happiest person on earth!


Photo Credit: Be your own light blog (both photos)