February 7th, 2023

How funny, It's been exactly 2 weeks since the last time I posted, and no I did not plan this. Lets get an update out! I have officially lost 10 POUNDS so far and 11 lbs. the past month, without exercising! I am so proud of me!! Keep in mind that I've been under EXTREME stress lately, and am trying to maintain my cool throughout all aspects of life, all while incorporating this new lifestyle. Honestly, its been easier than I thought. My cravings have diminished immensely, and I do eat what I want! I feel so LIBERATED! Man, this is a lot of exclamation marks, I didn't realize how excited I am. I feel humbled as hell right now, and so grateful to be going down this path. (All will be revealed soon)

In the past few weeks I'd say that the boundaries have been tested, which taught me more than ever. I learned how much alcohol I can consume without gaining weight, and what modifications to use with alcohol. Sweets, and salty treats have been as well. The constant mantras, the positive self talk, and redirection have been a true game changer. Mindset is absolutely everything. Asking myself questions before I eat is incredibly insightful too. Figuring out how to make food choices "more worth it" meaning, more nourishing while remaining delicious has become a fun challenge, or game of sorts. 

I've eaten at fast-food (Panda Express, & Subway), and other restaurants, and drank alcohol twice. One night I drank too much, but not to get drunk, and I WAS NOT MAD at myself. That night was a learning opportunity which helped establish boundaries, and guided my internal compass to what was really important to me. Next time I went out, I ordered my drinks better, drank less, and balanced my food choices while drinking, accounting for that calorie increase, and IT WORKED! Weighing myself each morning has been educational, and exciting. I no longer fear the scale! Anticipating the scale feels like waiting for Christmas morning! Holy crap, did I really just say that!? WTF it's so damn true though. Remarkable the changes I feel. Even though I'm 10 pounds down, I know I've lost so much more physical volume, and so much bloat. I no longer feel bloated, hardly ever, and not like before. I'll measure soon.

You never realize how bad you feel until your body does things so easily with energy to spare. The insane coffee drinks, and amounts I previously consumed scare the living crap out of me now. Reflecting on that, makes me grateful as hell that I'm alive and in this good of health. Experimenting this path without exercise first was hands down the right decision. It eliminates the internal excuse that, " oh, working out really contributed most to this weight loss". Losing weight needed to happen without exercise first, in order to create the building blocks to maintain a consistent path. I now feel confident in building strength in the gym or elsewhere, without the pressure of doing it for the sake of weight loss. Now I can truly enjoy working out because I really do! I learned that I don't want the answer to weight loss being 70-90% exercise. The need to work out is now understood as a means to shape my body, and makes me capable of more independence, especially as a female. I now know exercise is a bonus, not a requirement for losing weight.

I am proudly making better choices that work for me, and know they will continue to evolve. Not putting pressure on this journey has been the leg up for me. Turning it into a competitive game, is exactly what I needed to do. Everyone is different, but ultimately mindset is key. When I have random day dreams of thin life experiences, they are factual futures in my head, attainable, and are coming soon. There are no doubts in my mind. The road I started down in 2020 showed me weight loss was possible in my body, but I had to heal my mind, soul, and my child self before sustaining this path. 2021 truly allowed that mental and emotional healing to take place, setting the stage to now include physical health into that formula.

My past self would be so annoyed at the me today. The optimistic and positive view would have made me vomit. In reality, that girl was scared, emotionally wounded, and enormously envious of anyone living seemingly a happy life. My past self believed without a shadow of a doubt that those people who portrayed happiness, were faking it. I've come to realize happiness can be messy too! Happiness can be both an overall evaluation, and momentary feeling. But, being happy does not have to fit in this one size fits all box. True happiness is preceded by internal healing, and love, which is something I'll continue to work on every day for the rest of my life.

Maintaining gratitude, and staying humble, because I've been there. So much love to everyone on ALL parts of their journey. Skipping through life's difficulties would be a disservice to yourself, and those around you, because the beauty on the other side of that is unimaginable, and limitless. There is no end game, only new experiences, and beauty in all the feels - pain, sorrow, excitement, relief, success, stability, worry, stress, all of these and more make up our beautiful selves, don't forget that.

Always remember to give yourself, and others grace. 💙