Dark times come upon me mentally, and will most likely never completely vanish. Handling them better is something I've been trying to do for the past few years. Realizing them was the first step, beyond that is where the hard work begins. The phoenix & the wild mustang are two animals that I often relate to in my head. That feeling of having immense strength and potential inside combined with an untamed heart is both an amazing and haunting notion. Feeling so close, but not quite making it to breaking down the final barrier is tormenting.
In each wave of darkness, I always find light. As small as it comes, it always provides just enough hope. This time away from journaling has been though, but it has also been eye opening. I can't stress enough how important it is for me to continue writing, and allowing positivity into my life. A realization has come to light that I am so accustomed to negativity in my life, that positivity is uncomfortable for me to be around. Wow, that just hit me for the first time. Having a thought at least for me stays a thought until I write it. In writing these thoughts comes the realization. The power of writing is absolutely unmatched for me. Especially after not writing for so long, its like I can finally exhale. Someone has got to shake the crap out of me and tell me to just write if I stop again. This blog is going to be my outlet, and my anchor for my entire sinuous journey.
My hope is two things:
1. That I unlock my mental barriers.
2. That I help someone else along the way.
I think I never lost sight of what I really needed to do. Its the follow through that scared me. Things are always going to change. People will come and go. I've always had this ability to come back from anything, to get back up. Time is the main issue to break the cycle of being scared to succeed, or being afraid of failure, or simply being out of my comfort zone. This will be the last time I rise before finally flying.