Emotional Eating Addiction
In my absence, a few things have happened. My current weight is at 227, that's down 35 pounds down from 262! While my progress continues, my mental state has been in overdrive. There's a ton to catch up on here with the emotional eating journal. Also, There's some updates that I've been wanting to do on this site. Today might be the day to make good progress on these ideas.
I'm debating if the emotional eating journal should pick up where I left off. Catching up may defeat the purpose, and decrease the quality.
Here's a summary on why my posts have been MIA. Some work projects came my way these past two weeks. At first, I was trying to balance everything. However, as work continued to stack up, and deadlines approached, I felt the need to prioritize my time into these projects. Staying busy thrills me, especially in this time of quarantine. My life is in desperate need of purpose in regards to work.
Since becoming so busy, as you can imagine, my nutrition suffered some. Still, if I couldn't prepare the healthiest meals, my macros would stay balanced. I tried my best, but most days my intake was low. Protein shakes helped me stay within my macros, and kept my protein up enough to workout.
Yesterday, this eating pattern caught up to me. After maybe 2 months of following my macros, and eating non processed foods, cravings hit me like a tornado. I ate Two of my kids fruit snack packets, and two of his small sun chip bags. The worst offense came at night, a slice of cheese pizza. In retrospect, it could've been worse. Was it my best moment, no but I knew if my cravings weren't fulfilled, it would drag on for days until I felt enough damage was done.
It was a better call. Believe it or not, I stopped myself throughout the day from getting out of control. My will power was there, a little lax. Previously, the fruit snack bag count would have entered the double digits, and candy would follow. Fruit snacks were my gateway drug. The candy craving did hit when those fruit snacks went into my body, and immediately I knew what was happening. I used a lesser evil to stop these cravings... Peanut butter and dark chocolate.
Here's how these foods affected my day. In the morning, I worked out, ate a healthy breakfast, and was productive. My mind started this series of unfortunate events. Finalizing a few projects in the morning gave me a sense of relief, and fatigue. Knowing there's still work to do, my mind became overwhelmed again. Thoughts of worry, and stress wouldn't shut down. The one thing I knew would quiet and calm my thoughts was eating something comforting. Realizing now, that I've been battling the urge to calm these thoughts for a few weeks.
What does that sound like to you? Because I'm seeing an addiction. I have an emotional addiction to food. My stomach wasn't hungry when those chips and fruit snacks entered my mouth. Lunch was 5 minutes before this attack happened. All warning alarms sounded, I chose to ignore them, and feed the impulse.
While eating these foods, my body went into a vegetative state, laying in bed watching movies. Telling myself that I deserved this break. Yes a break was desperately needed, but junk didn't need to enter my body. Balance is key. Should I give into certain foods when craving them, yes. But I'll ask myself is this one craving, or is this an emotional attack?
There's a root issue in play. That's why this blog is so important to me. Originally, I thought this post would be short and simple... My subconscious had other ideas. This habit of ignoring my feelings, and pushing through things in life needs to stop. Talking on my issues is the main thing that will keep me from relapsing on this journey. Yesterday was an incredible lesson for me, that needs continuing reflection.
Five things I've learned in within this post.
My food addiction is still there, and will be for the rest of my life. This is a minute by minute battle I'll have to address and be aware of .
Writing in this blog is a priority. Work is important, but time for reflection is a priority. No more than 3 days without writing, and that's pushing it.
Junk food makes me feel like crap, and it doesn't taste as good as it used to. It isn't worth it.
Don't waste energy being mad at myself for messing up. Focus it on the root issue that lead to the misstep.
Forgive myself. Let go of the negative stigma I've embedded in my brain when I mess up.
Meditate. I used to think this was hippyish, and silly. Little did I know, this was the key to calming my thoughts in place of food. It makes me take time for myself to collect my thoughts and
Emotional Eating Journal Day 8:
Why do I eat? What three words describe my relationship with food right now? What three words do I wish did?
Firstly I eat because I enjoy it, and because its a survival need.
Three words to describe my relationship with food right now are rocky, trying, and better.
The three words I wish described my relationship are healthy, strong, and sustainable.
These simple questions are so thought provoking, and powerful. I'll be picking up where I left off on this emotional eating journal. Thank you for sticking with me on this roller coaster of a post! My best is yet to come!